So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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