1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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