Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
