dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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