areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
