Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
