It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
