he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
