I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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