She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
