Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
only you would photoshop your dick
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
