I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
