The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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