I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
