Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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