I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
