i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
