Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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