How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
