shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
