no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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