Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
