I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
