I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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