I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
