I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I've blown a few things in my day
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
