saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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