Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
