that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I need to stop coming to work sober
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
