What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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