Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
