dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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