So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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