cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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