so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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