remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
