I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
