i was rollin on her like bob the builder
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
