When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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