Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have already put on my inside pants.
I know her cup size but not her name....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
