she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
