Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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