I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
