My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
