I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
