Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
