Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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