i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Found your dick twin last night
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
