guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
