I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
